Thoughts on Paper

blog created October 17, 2005

I was introduced to Nancy Drew books at age 9 or 10. I was influenced by her love for mystery. In hindsight, I guess that is why I get glued at Disovery Channel’s Crime Night and New Detectives, not to mention CSI–Las Vegas and NY only please!  Sorry CSI Miami fans, but I would rather die in Nigeria than be corpse under the scrutiny of gloved hands of overly-moronic-acting-style of David Carusso! - ’nuff said._

As a freshman, i was part of the girls in shool who had the latest copy of Sweet Dreams in her bag.  Yes, i fell victim for this cutesy, teeny fiction for young girls. Though during that time Mills and Boon were read by the more "mature" girls in school and the adults say that those are meant for college girls and not for a freshman like me.  So sweet dreams it was.  I no longer recall how many P25 I had to save just to get a new pocketbook.  I have always kept mine neat with no folds and i hardly open it fully so as not to destroy the binding, so that was how i was way back… aint i the little O.C.  come to think of it, i still do that now. Even with magazines, i hate it when people borrow my mags then return later with folded or worst, crumpled pages! aarrrgh! Is that the way you treat someone who unselfishly shared a priced possession? hmmm maybe a little too O.A. dont you think?! ok lets move on…

So there i was reading the night away and hoping to meet this blond, broad-shouldered guy who smells like aftershave, wearing a blue sweater and preppy pants and named Craig or Mike.  sigh!… and there i was waiting in the cafeteria as Darcy with my long black hair and with pearly white teeth smiling with my girlfriends who also have pearly white teeth , by the way, then suddenly Craig appears or was it Mike, then calls me "Darcy" and i turn my head and i see him walking in slow motion towards me and the world stops revolving and it is only the two of us in this misty cafeteria.  Then i stand up, and he rushes to me and brings me closer to him and kisses me… ohhhh….Then something popped in my head.  Wait a minute, i can do this.  Since i have a very wild imagination and admittedly live in my fantasy world most of my waking hours, why not create my own Sweet Dreams pocketbook! That’s right. Create my own Darcy and Craig, but wait, hmmm.  I don’t think being a blond guy in Manila would raise some eyebrows back then, (now Dennis Rodman look is far by normal) so think think… then do a pinoy version, i said to myself. Though the kissing part will be done only after the marriage or after 10 years of dating, hey, philippine setting nga eh, but this was 18 years ago.  Armed with my Funny Friends pen and a whole new pad of intermediate paper, i was a writer in hot pursuit by my romantic fantasies. I created 2 or 3 of these imaginary romance novels having me as the basis for the lead characters (who else would it be) but of course, they were all improved versions of me.

Then after my secret success as a writer, i just gave it up.  I threw them out the window, why? I was scared that at a tender age of 12 or 13, i was creating stories in my head about falling in love.  Nothing wrong with that but if my mom finds out that is what’s keeping me up all night, boy, that will be the day… I could almost hear her berating about where i came up with such stories when i am inexperienced or worst "too young".  To end this dilemna, i threw them away for good.  I must admit, i have regrets doing this.  I wish i could have shown them to my daughter, when i have one, i dont think my son would be a fan.

As an adult, like 6 or 7 years ago, i started to put down my thoughts again on paper.  This time poetry was my line and just sharing my piece on the computer was therapeutic.  Since i was most motivated to write when i am full of angst and heart broken ( which was most of the time, thank you very much). Ironic at how my worst feeling ever, created mini masterpieces (for me).  I shared some of them to my friends and to my surprise they did not know i could write. Good reviews i must say.

Sad to say but I haven’t done any for the last 3 years. Duh! i have my hands full girl! A husband, a toddler–boy, mind you, an adolescent kid brother who listens to ACDC, 2 jobs, friends-on-call ( its my choice ok), and myself. Hmmm come to think of it, i maybe inspired by this chaotic yet fun life that i have now.  My husband who is my No.1 fan pushes me to give my writing another go. Thanks Mo for your support! Maybe I will… when everybody is sleeping…